Gradual Changes

I went to the mall today, something I rarely do these days, but I had a coupon and those who know me understand what that means for me. I went to pick up some shirts for my husband, but also wandered into the girl's section and decided to buy my daughter some jeggings. I don't like to buy clothes for her, because I remember when my mom bought mine and they were always wrong - just wrong (but mostly they were home made and how could I ask to return those?).

So I picked up a pair and held them up - looked good to me, and she's pretty slim so I thought they looked about right. When I got home and she held them up, WOW - way too small! What happened to my little girl, size 10? She looked at me like I was crazy. "Mom, I'm a size twelve, not a ten!" What? I bought a size ten? Yes, I did, and without even thinking about it. I still see her as being ten (truth told I still see her as abut seven) and while her physical growth has been gradual, it all caught up with me today. I think I need to pay more attention to the details.

In Constant Motion

My daughter is in constant motion. With either her body or her thoughts, she is a whirlwind from the minute she (fully) wakes up each morning. This past year I have looked forward to bedtime more than when she was a toddler, if simply to have a breather and quiet time. Don’t misunderstand – I love every minute with her, and I sometimes look at her with awe, fully understanding that she has the world in the palm of her hand. I, like other mothers, want her to have every opportunity in life and for things to go well for her. But each day I breathe with relief that nothing has yet to dent her armor.

She is nearly finished with her first year in middle school. I dreaded the first day, knowing from personal experience how things can be peachy keen one day and the next your two best friends have decided to freeze you out without warning or good reason. Humiliation, fear, depression, all of these feelings are inevitable in the world of a tween. I just don’t want them to enter her world – not yet.

I have been building her up for these issues, since she was in the second grade. That’s about the time things became clear to her that others (not only kids) are not always honest, kind, or fair. While trying to help her keep the faith in the human race, I have had endless talks with her about how to deal with it. Showing her with my own actions and behavior, I dealt with my own inter-personal issues while volunteering at her school, heading up the PTO, as an employee, as a wife. I didn’t just rely on my own gut, although that seems to be the best guide of all. I read books, like Odd Girl Out, by Rachel Simmons, for support. I share with my daughter important parts of my life, and insight to being a woman. I guide her, slowly, through the boy-girl relationships of middle school. I support her intelligence, and although she is a beauty, I don’t put much emphasis on that. She is confident and has a strong sense of who she is, but she also knows that she fits in when it comes to looks. It’s a sad truth, and I myself was not more than plain, but I’m glad that she had the inner beauty and outer beauty as well.

We have bonded over one of the least likely things – Doctor Who. She is obsessed with all things Doctor, and has immersed herself in the whole thing. I am not as interested, but I listen when she talks about different situations the Doctor gets into. I help feed her craving, and celebrate it with her. Her upcoming 12^th birthday theme: Doctor Who.  This science fiction tv show has helped us keep a connection even though she is clearly growing away from me. Because I know that someday, far sooner than I am comfortable with, she will turn to others for companionship. But we will always have The Doctor.